Thursday, October 25, 2018

When I Took Off My Armor Everything Changed


I wore it every day to protect my heart

I woke up every morning like clockwork dressed for battle. I would not leave my house without my armor. My goal was to protect my secret and my heart from anyone who would try to come near it.

As you read from my prior articles, being in love wasn't a joyous experience. It was painful and hurtful. I never knew that loving someone could make your heart feel so sore.

I continued on with my daily life, with family and friends, but always on guard. I didn't let anyone get to close to me. I wouldn't let any man pay me a compliment. I didn't believe a word they said. As time went on my armor became thicker, and my heart became sealed.

One night I went out with friends to get something to eat, and the hostess told us it will be a few minutes before our table would be ready. She told us to wait at the bar and will come and get us, I placed my purse down at the empty seat next to me, and a man asked to sit down, I wouldn't let him. I told him "I have my purse there." Yes, I was rude.

To me I had a right to be rude, my heart was hurt and my stomach in knots. He didn't know that but I did, and that's all that mattered to me. He could find another seat.

When I arrived home that evening and replayed everything that happened that night, I realized I can't hurt other people, because of what has happened to me. I didn't know how to stop the pain I was feeling. I know I needed to get my feelings out. I wanted to trust again, laugh again. Be a part of the world and all of the glories that surrounded me. Being on guard made me feel alone in this world. I created this barrier, between love and myself.

I wanted so bad to take off this armor and live like I used to before he came into my life. I just didn't know where to begin. I took off my armor and began to settle in for the night. It felt good not to have my guard up. I was at peace in my own home.

I sat quietly and began to pray and cry. During my prayers my tears became heavy and my cries were loud. I knew the Lord was reaching my heart. I told him everything, I didn't leave anything out. It's funny when I think about it now. The Lord knows everything that happens to all of us. I began to sense a sign of relief.

Day after day, I worked on healing through my prayers. I started to feel stronger, and healthier. It took time, but the burden was lifted from my heart and became lighter, easier to manage. My thoughts became clearer and my mind was focused.

The day I finally took off my armor, was the day it changed my life. I started to write my prayers and turned them into meditations. I'm helping women all across the country stand up and take notice of their life. They have overcome struggles and pain, from being at war with their heart. A place I know very well.

I created personalized meditations from their own experience and helped women overcome obstacles that felt like a weight in their heart, and they began to find themselves surrounded by joy and love.

I'm very thankful and grateful every day for the good times and for the bad times, they have brought me to where I'm today. Being able to share this with you, and changing lives, is a blessing.

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