Give Yourself Permission
There is one thing that I realized during my struggle, I forgot who I was. I lived my hurt, and pain every day. I didn't know how to live beyond my situation. It took over my life. I became distant from friends and began to see my family less and less. I wrapped my life around going to work and coming home, I tried not to anything else unless I had to. I felt if I was around people besides my situation it would mean that I would have to be happy and find enjoyment in what everyone was doing. I didn't feel I could do that. I didn't know where to begin.
In my heart, I knew what it felt like to be a part of the world. But I felt the world had something against me being happy and I was being punished for something I never did. I kept asking myself, why was I chosen to be pained. Days became weeks. This was a very lonely period in my life. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't want to take the chance to have someone hurt me again. It was me and my situation walking through life, like a handbag of burden attached to my waste. I didn't go anywhere without it.
One morning It was my day off from work, I decided to go to the park and get some fresh air. As I walked through and embraced the breeze from the Hudson River, and admired the views of the mountains in the distance. I walked by people who are full of joy and happiness as far as the eye could see. I couldn't understand how people could be so excited about life. I stopped in my tracks and watched and listened to a sound that was missing from my life, I felt a smile overcome my face from people being silly, they were having so much fun. I began to take it all in and started to embrace how precious it is, I began to miss my laugh. The love that is shared is the most important gift we were ever given. No one has that type of power to take our love. I was starting to realize that my life was far more amazing than my circumstances.
I walked away slowly and came up to a park bench, and sat down. I closed my eyes and saw who I was, a woman who smiled and laughed and enjoyed life to it's fullest. She was silly and playful. Creative and made things happen. I replayed special and exciting moments of my life, from the day my children were born and buying my first house. There was so much love in my heart, and joy in my bones. Faith was my strength.
From this day forward, I made a promise to myself, to never associate with people who have hurt me, I understand that everyone is not the same. I will give my self-permission to live the life I was created to live. This was the most incredible breakthrough for me. My entire life changed right before my eyes.
I was so excited to embrace my family, enjoy all the richness the Good Lord has given me. I looked forward to being a part of the world. I was very grateful and thankful to be given the opportunity to see beyond what I was feeling. To open my heart and allow people to love me and share in the glory of happiness. I can't express how It felt to laugh again.
This is an experience we all need to have. Through my personal trials, I have created "Personalized Meditations." The myth here is that you can't shut off the noise long enough to meditate. But when the meditation is personalized to our life, we tend to focus right into our lives and the solution.
As I stated in my blog. Tuning into my life changed my life and took me to places I only imagined.
Begin today and Live your life to it's fullest. Your love is your power. Look around you, and you will find the answers they are right in front of you.
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