Sunday, February 10, 2019

The Affects of Silence--Narcissistic Abuse


Here are 4 leading causes of Silence while in an abusive situation:






1.) You feel as if you don't matter, you're just existing.

2.) You feel unworthy of being heard, you don't want to fight, you desperately want peace.

3.) You stop believing in yourself, your hopes and dreams have withered from your thoughts.

4.) You begin to question your faith, you stop caring as if:


- Your smile has been removed and seemingly vanished

- You are living day to day expressionless

- You have NO voice, you can't find the words anymore

- You feel meaningless, you have lost sight of your purpose


This is an unfortunate place to be in because there is no other alternative but to adapt to your environment, only by tiptoeing around in SILENCE to keep the peace. While this is happening, you begin to swallow your happiness, your joy, and any excitement you had in life, is now gone. This leaves you feeling vulnerable, and emotionally isolated from your family, and friends. You feel as if you've lost living a joyous life.

The effects of SILENCE has you living this way. What happened to living your life? Everyone in your house begins to tiptoe around your fear as it trickles down to each child and even your guests. Anxiety becomes a daily feeling, you never know what is going to happen next. Even sleeping is now so hard. Work is becoming a task to get through. The thought of going home after work ends, or coming home from school at the last bell is unnerving. The cycle continues. You know in the back of your mind, that those hours away was your only peace, but work and school are only eight hours long, you find yourself wishing there were more hours on the clock. 








MY PERSONAL STORY

I would like to share a personal story from my own experience. Being silent did not help me in my abusive situation. I was involved with a narcissist. More emotionally, and verbal, then it was physical. While I was going through this, I made excuses for the reasons he was abusing me. I remained quiet, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Days become weeks, months and then the obvious two and half long years before it came to a bitter end. During this time, while I allowed this type of treatment, and still mind you, stayed SILENT.


Everyone in my house began to treat me the same way, minus the physical abuse. They were unkind and disrespectful. You're probably wondering why? How can this be? They are watching me get abused, both verbally, and emotionally. The answer to this, they were mad. They were lashing out. Upset! This was the only way they could release the pain they were dealing with. They had to tiptoe around the house, watching every word they were saying. Hoping that it wouldn't trigger a fight. 


There comes a time when reality sets in, when a choice to leave the relationship is the only choice to salvage your family and get help to regain strength and promise for a healthier life. I understand completely, the part I had in all of this. The very first thing that I did wrong was what? I never set 
boundaries. I never stopped him, from the first he disrespected me. Then it began. As time went on he became comfortable being emotionally abusive, he moved it too much higher levels as the days progressed. I couldn't stop it because I never stood up for myself from the beginning. At each and every new point I was frightened. I felt very alone. I didn't speak to any friends for a long time, and I didn't reach out to my family. I did what was asked of me. It was part of his control. I began to get angry about the damage that was being done to all of us. I finally admitted to myself that I'm living in a destructive way. I broke out of my denial. My denial was like a spell I was under. I couldn't wait to get my smile back, to embrace my children, to live again. I forgot who I was before getting involved with a person like this. I was courageous, happy, fun. I smiled a lot and enjoyed all aspects of my life. I missed my friends, I missed my family, I missed me. 





I sought professional help, I was grateful I found a counselor specializing in the area that I was having such problems with. I worked hard to get my life back. Going through the healing process wasn't easy. I found myself breaking down, it drained me of my energy, but I know I needed to do this for me, and my family. The most difficult time I had was learning to forgive. I would ask my counselor, how could I forgive a monster, an evil being who went out of his way to destroy me, and my family? My counselor replied, you can and you will. Because forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what happened to you, it only means that you will never let this happen to you again.


Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. I believe in support, do not let what happened to me, happen to you. Please do not allow disrespect, unkindness, and someone else to control your life. It affects the entire family. No one walking on this earth has any right to place harm on any living being. Reach out, and get the help you need to live a joyous life. 

ASK FOR ASSISTANCE, ASK FOR GUIDANCE.

Contact me--AMILIA POWERS







Visit me at:








Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Don’t Let A Narcissist Control You—Abuse


                       
Stand Stong, No More Abuse






                                                         
TAKE ACTION


I would like to tell you a bit about myself. I was in a bad situation with a very abusive man. I couldn't tiptoe light enough, it was if I was walking on pins and needles, even my silence was deafening to his ears. He suffocated my voice, my inner peace was in turmoil. He could hear my cry for help, which I believed helped him to identify my weakness. This abuse was not in my head. I new what kind of relationship I was in. How do I know this you might be asking? Because I was never treated this way in my entire life. I knew this is not what love represents. All I was to this person was an object, a living thing to physically, mentally control, and abuse. The unsettled feeling of not knowing what to do, or what was going to happen next had me frightened in every was possible. I never saw this coming.

The change in the relationship was instantaneous as soon as we moved in together, all of the horrors of a life I never knew excited, I was living. All I kept thinking was, what the hell I done to my life? I knew I had to change this. There isn't enough hours in a day, month, or year that I could put into this type of madness to change him. I would just be giving him another excuse to abuse me even more for mentioning the changes that need to take place. I continued to remember that this isn't the love I dreamed of, I deserve to be treated better than this. My abuser needed to change himself, his issuesare not mine, or yours to worry about if this is happening to you. But most importantly I needed to focus on me. I wanted desperately to become stronger, and healthier person.





I knew gaining the understanding of these crucial points would help guide me to step away from this unkindness, and create standards in my life that I will live by going forward. In fact I want to embrace a love I deserve.

A loving relationship full of kindness, and respect for one another. I was raised with these principles.


"A person who loves you will never find it in their heart to abuse you."

I am with you, and I know in my heart what you are feeling. I know why you are reading this message. We need to remove ourselves from this abusive situation, there is NO time to waste. The longer we wait, the more abusive, and unbearable the situation becomes.

These are Five (5) things that helped me overcome:

1. We need to stop accepting this abuse, and making excuses for it.

2. We need to understand this is not our fault, and we can't change them.

3. We come first, and family (children) we are not alone in this abuse cycle.

4. We must reach out for help. Ask for assistance, ask for guidance.

5. We need to make a stand, and change our life. You, are the key word.

Nothing changes unless we change our circumstances. No one is going to do it for us. I cannot express enough, that you need guidance, you can't do this alone, especially when there is children involved. Making a change is never easy, it can be very scary, but we have to do what is best for ourselves, and our family.





There are two major factors that play a big roll in why we don't let these stop you from the life you really deserve.

1. Financial help, (most rimes this is the biggest problem)

2. You are still convinced that they will stop abusing you, and they will change. (a common issue)

I do understand we are very emotionally involved in our won situation, and each issue is very delicate when it comes to abuse, I more then understand this point. I know we want to believe that things will get better, and these men will change. We want them to treat us with kindness, and love us the way we always wished they would.

The truth of the matter is, this is the reason we need to speak to someone and reach out for help. We are not in the position to make a rational decision on our lives if we are making any type of excuses on why we should stay in a destructive relationship. Please remember you serve a kind and loving life, filled with all the joy the world can bring. We will never know how life feels if we remain in an abusive life style.

There comes a time, we have to make a choice, and take responsibility for what is happening in our lives, and make it better. We have to have control of our lives. The power is ours. You know what to look for, you are an intelligent person. The warning signs are clear to you. You will not allow any of this pain back into your life again. You will set boundaries at the beginning, you will have standards you will live by. You know what to do at the first sign of disrespect. Your foot will always be planted firmly on the ground with anything that is unacceptable. Please do me a favor and reach out. It will change your life. This step has changed mine.



Don't give up the fight, you're the most valuable currency there is





Join thousands of women who broke from free, and our living the loving life they were created to live

To Contact Amilia Powers:
Begin by clicking the link--www.coffeewithamilia.com
valueurself—Facebook, Twitter, and Linked-In,

and contact me directly at: amiliapowers@gmail.com


Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Jealous Traits of an Narcissist--Painful






People talk about jealousy and narcissism being the same thing. A narcissist has jealousy traits. The difference is, once jealousy crosses the line, and the person becomes abusive and controlling he/she falls in the category of a narcissist. A healthy form of jealousy a partner would say something to this effect. “I saw that person looking at you” in a fun playful manner. Both of you would laugh, and then brush it off, as if it was no big deal. This in return would make you feel special and appreciated that your boyfriend took notice.

Unhealthy forms of jealousy can spin out of control by the person, needing you to spend every moment with only them. If they don't get their way, it can throw you off course, with cursing and foul comments. If the relationship becomes emotionally abusive, and the person becomes more aggressive and physical, now you are swimming into the narcissistic territory. This is true no matter how we try to spin these relationships. Both are unhealthy relationships. The common denominator is they both like to have control, and I highly suggest you stay away from them.

During courtship, neither of these situations seem bad. Fun loving, and joyous. Once the person finds your weakness and feels you have fallen for them, they will show you another side of themselves that you didn't know was there. 

We all wish for a loving relationship, but we have a responsibility to ourselves to be well aware of what is happening in your life. In other words, you have to be careful with a sudden change in your relationship. Once you notice this change, boundaries need to be set immediately, so the other person has no control over your life. Please do not make excuses for their bad behavior.

In the meantime, a narcissist does not like being alone. They will do what they can to escape being by themselves. They will seem to understand your position, but still, continue to try to control you. They will do anything and everything for you to put your guard down. Please be aware of this, especially if it happens on a regular basis. When you decide to give in to their ego, it will happen in an instant. You will not have any control over what is going on. You will notice the change in you. They will have you where they want you. Their behavior and language will start to change. You will begin to do everything they ask. You will start second-guessing your feelings, and even your strengths. Their comments will make you feel horrible about your appearance. You will notice yourself being careful about what you say, so it doesn't cause an argument. Nothing that you do will be right. They will find something wrong with it. It’s hard for a narcissist to give anyone else praise, but themselves. Their lack of self-confidence requires they need you on the same level.

If you are still in this relationship, which I hope you are not, have you noticed that you are being separated from your family and friends? The narcissist will do everything they can to keep you busy, right where he can see you. He needs to have you in sight.
Isolation is a big part of who they are, and one of their pervasive strategies.

The narcissist feels threatened if you are improving yourself. Especially if you are happy with what you are doing. They will see you as competition, they do not want you to live out your dreams, and passions. To a narcissist, you would have the upper hand and be a show-off. This is unacceptable in their dysfunctional sort of way.

Jealousy is another threat. All of us use social media, in one form or another. Be aware when he consistently is looking and tracking your activity and your whereabouts. I said this previously, “they do not like being alone.” If they see you are connecting with others from the opposite sex, it’s a threat, and this will cause a fight, and make you feel bad about what you are doing. They will manipulate you into thinking you are hurting their feelings, even if you are talking to a close friend. This will show you how controlling they really are. This goes beyond being jealous. You are not alone, and please reach out for help if you are in this circumstance.

Now that you are separated from your family and friends, the narcissist has you where he wants you. This is where the abuse sets in. They are comfortable enough, to be physically abusive on occasion, and he knows you won't do anything to get him in trouble. He knows you have no one to turn to. Everyone in your life thinks you are happy because you didn't give them any reason to think otherwise. You couldn't reach out to anyone without the narcissist knowing. You can't express your feelings. If you are hurt in any way, please get help.

I would like to tell you about myself. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I endured everything I have written about here and more. I'm letting you know that it wasn't easy to get my life back. I would like you to please look deep within yourself, and not stay in your particular situation, and please reach out to whomever you have to for help. With a narcissist, it usually ends up with a violent break-up. He always has another person on the side after their dramatic exit. He won’t be in your life for long. You can stop the pain and the torment. I thought I couldn't turn to anyone, becausewas told that there would be no one to help me.

From my experience, I gained strength with the help of others. It’s very important to ask for assistance, and guidance so you can gain the strength, and the ability to once again believe in yourself, and that you will be all right.



If you found a bit of you in this story, please do not wait another minute. You must reach out. You must let your family and friends know what is happening in your life. A direction is difficult alone. There is too much confusion. You can do this. Do it now. 

The cost of staying in a relationship without value becomes a lonely place. Remember how important your smile is to you, your laugh, and joy.


You are a valuable woman, that deserves to be treated with a kind voice, and loved with the utmost respect. Love is amazing, but the right kind of love is very important. Don't waste another minute.


If this relationship sounds familiar and you need help picking up the pieces. Join thousands of woman who have changed their lives with my help. Visit me at www.coffeewithamilia.com 



Be Blessed
Amilia

Friday, January 25, 2019

Why Do We Stay With A Narcissist?




THE NUMBER ONE REASON WE STAY WITH A NARCISSIST





This is not an easy place to be. Before getting myself in a poisonous relationship I had a great job, many friends, and was happy and grateful about every aspect of life. My life was anything but perfect, but I had wonderful people around me and a family that loves me. 

Then that time came. The day when I thought I met my one and only. When my life changed in an instant. A transition from a peaceful life, to destructive overnight. 

Our relationship at first was loving and caring, understanding. Until days of sunshine turned into darkness very fast. I was totally a wreck. I couldn't concentrate. My thoughts were in disarray, and my stomach was in knots. I really loved him. 

This sounds crazy, but I can't find myself being without him. I don't know what is happening to me. When we are together we laugh and have fun, and then the unthinkable happens and he rips my heart out. He mistreats me and calls me names and is very abusive at times.

I want to leave, but I know that we will have fun again, and that's what I'm connected to... the moments of joy and happiness. This life I'm living is very draining to me. It has injected self-doubt into my veins. I feel I'm at war every day. There are days I can't shake off all the painful words. I begin to wonder where I am.

When the apologizes come through his voice in that manipulating kind of tone, I know he is lying. Somehow he's able to release the emotional feelings that bond me to him, and he guilts me into one more time.

Ladies guilt is the number one thing that kept me around as long as I did. Does any of this sound like your life? The cruel and punishing way he poked and prodded my heart. Statements such as; "you can't leave me, I don't know what to do, you know I love you, what is going to happen to me if we break up, how could you do this to us after what we've gone through, doesn't our love mean anything to you?"

Who has heard these words?

While he is using every tactic in his mind, you have walked right into his web. He has bonded you to him emotionally. Your question is how do I break away from this torture? No more questioning your sanity.

STAY AWAY ANY WAY YOU CAN.

The cost of staying in a relationship without value
becomes a lonely place. Remember how important your smile is to you, your laugh, and joy.

You are a valuable woman, that deserves to be treated 
with a kind voice, and loved with the utmost respect.
Love is amazing, but the right kind of love is very important. Don't waste another minute. You can reach out to me, and I can help guide you. 

You are not alone. I will answer any questions you may have. Contact me at amiliapowers@gmail.com or visit my website www.coffeewithamilia.com

I have created a series of four (4) Meditations, that can 
help you with this situation, these were my prayers turned into meditations, that is now helping thousands of women like yourself, live the life they are created to live.

These meditations will lead you out of the darkness, keep you calm, and more focused. You will leave fear behind, become stronger, and never feel alone. Help heal your broken heart and ease your pain. As well as those who have suffered the injustice of another.

You can get more information, by clicking on the link below.


Be Blessed

I look forward to speaking with you.

Amilia Powers






Friday, January 18, 2019

Surviving The Silent Treatment Of A Narcissist



BEING IGNORED





Silence to a narcissist is a powerful weapon. It is used in the form of punishment; such as emotional abuse, manipulation and can cause fear and anxiety to their victims. The torture may last days or even weeks.

By this time if we haven't figured out their game, they have figured out our weakness. They have pressed us for as much information as needed so they can turn it against us. The narcissist has us actually where they want us. We begin to doubt ourselves. We start to wonder what have we done to cause the person that we love to treat us this way? Our minds wonder what could we do better so it can go back the way it was. The questions to ourselves become endless.

These are tricks they play with our minds to have full control over us. We begin to give them all of our attention. We hand them our entire life without even realizing what we are doing. The most difficult part we have created is that we are dealing with this alone. We have given all of our energy and our love to one person that we have isolated ourselves from our life. No friends, no family no one. We are now officially dancing with the devil.

It's crazy right, to love someone who causes you pain? You know what's even more unthinkable? Thinking that someone who torments you loves you.

I was in this relationship. The silence was deafening at times, but my other senses tuned right in. I realized how much peace I had in my heart and how clear my thoughts were, not listening to the cursing and yelling and the belittling hour after hour, day and night. I began to see what life was like without the sound of his voice. I started to understand where I stood in the relationship and what kind of love I really wanted. Having that time of peace worked for me and not against me. It taught me so much about myself. I was so engulfed in the threats, that I forgot about the life I had.

The silence he created revealed to me a life I was created live. I didn't play into his foolish games any longer. I didn't allow him to disrupt my peace, I freed myself of the victim way of thinking, and pushed my strength to all new heights. He obviously didn't want a warrior in his life, he needed someone to beg for mercy, to be at his beck and call. He wanted me to give him all of my time and to be afraid to speak. The shift actually scared him. The narcissist new what he was dealing with and didn't like me standing up for myself, and taking back control of my life.

I created the worst nightmare for a narcissist. He lost control, and didn't know what to do with himself, but instead become a demon and tried to cause destruction before his exit. Nothing worked on me. I was free and that's all that mattered.  My stress, pain, and hurt all went with him. I never turned back and I never cared where he went or what he does. Never looked him up again. I was free and that's all I needed. No contact forever.

It took some time. I worked on me and became stronger, healthier and more excited about life than I ever was. I drew in people that are doing amazing things in the world. There is nothing more exciting than a woman who is happy and smiling and has her voice. You will find yourself surrounded by joy and love. I'm thankful and grateful every day, for the good times and for the bad times they have brought me to where I'm today.



You can reach out to me, and I can help guide you. 
I will answer any questions you may have

Contact me at amiliapowers@gmail.com or visit my website www.coffeewithamilia.com


I have created a series of four (4) Meditations, that can help you through this situation, these were my prayers turned into meditations.

These meditations will lead you out of the darkness, keep you calm, and more focused. You will leave fear behind, become stronger, and never feel alone, help heal your broken heart and ease your pain. As well as those who have suffered the injustice of another.


For more information, click on the link below.


https://valueurself.com/collections/meditation-mp3s




I have created a special addition to my meditation practices. It is back from popular demand. It is "Personalized Meditations." 

Our meditations have changed the way people view healing and solving problems.  We are excited to share this with you:


For more information about this, click the link below.



The biggest myth is people believing that they cannot shut off the noise long enough to meditate. Let me tell you a little secret. When the Meditation is personalized, you tune right into your life and solution. There isn't any sound that will affect this. It is the most incredible experience you will ever have.



https://valueurself.com/collections/personalized-meditations


Be blessed,

I look forward to speaking with you.

Leave me a message, and the best time to reach you.

Amilia Powers



#coffeewithamilia #valueurself #amiliapowers























Sunday, January 13, 2019

One Very Important Fact About A Narcissist--Painful Heart


What I learned





Misery loves company is what the narcissist stand by, that's their "Golden Rule". They are incapable of feeling joy the way you do. It's impossible for the narcissist to understand why and what makes you happy. If it is not about them, nothing makes any sense to a narcissist. The question resonates in their mind. "How can this be happening?" 
They are unwilling to think about your needs. They lack insight into your emotions. The narcissist believes you should feel the same way they feel. Staying with them will drain your happiness, you will no longer feel whole. The only choice you will have is to live for them and only them. Give up any thoughts you may have of changing them, making things better by giving up more of yourself to satisfy their needs. 
Don't expect them to be happy for you when you do well. They will never praise your successes to anyone. This makes them feel very insecure about themselves and they will blame you and tell you that it's your fault they feel terrible. You will never get a narcissists approval to live your best self. You put yourself in a very unhealthy position with them. This may trigger rage inside of them and they may begin to isolate you from your family and friends. You have taken the spotlight off of them and they can't handle it. The unfortunate part of their scheme is you will never know it is happening. Until one day when you need help and you find yourself alone.    
Most narcissists will not love unless they are getting something in return. Don't think for one minute you are their everything, their one and only. Just because they resited these words to you doesn't mean they are committed to you forever. Once they have taken from you what they need they will discard you and move on, which will leave you with pain, scares, and emotionally battered. The questions of; "What did I do?" "Where is everyone?" will hit your heart. 
A narcissist has their own fragile emotional drama. Don't take their bullying for a strong secure man. On the contrary, they are the most insecure and have deep demons they can only resolve. They feel empty, and fill their void by having dominate control over our lives which gives them a sense of accomplishment. We can't take on that responsibility. Because of this, they will go to any length to make sure your smile is gone, your laugh is distant, and you don't know where to begin to put your life back the way it was once they leave. They need you to feel their pain. There biggest fear is that they are nothing without you. The narcissist must share their agony.

If you found a bit of you in this story, please do not wait another minute. You must reach out. You must let your family and friends know what is happening in your life. Direction is difficult alone. There is too much confusion. You can do this. Do it now. 

The cost of staying in a relationship without value becomes a lonely place. Remember how important your smile is to you, your laugh, and joy.

You are a valuable woman, that deserves to be treated with a kind voice, and loved with the utmost respect. Love is amazing, but the right kind of love is very important. Don't waste another minute.

If this relationship sounds familiar and you need help picking up the pieces. Join thousands of woman who have changed their lives with my help. Visit me at www.coffeewithamilia.com. 






Be blessed,

Stay in Faith
I look forward to speaking with you.

email: amiliapowers@gmail.com

Amilia Powers


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