People wondered why?
Living through a time of abuse is never easy. Staying in hope became even harder for me. I prayed so much for the relationship to end. I didn't care how it was going to end, I prayed hard for something anything to happen to make all this go away. I wanted my life back, I wanted to smile and laugh and have joy. These simple things that seem so far out of reach for me. I was paying a price for someone else's demons.
I remained in prayer. I spoke in silence to the Lord every day and every chance I had for guidance and assistance. Driving to work was my release. I would turn up the volume on the radio in the car to a Christian station and listened to the praise, and I would yell out loud, for my relationship to come to close, I asked day in and day out for the lord to take me out of this pain. I screamed in tears for the Lord to take him out of my life, and send him on his way.
My prayers, lead me out of torment. Believe me when I tell you my faith gave me peace. I began to become stronger, and more focused on my life. I started to understand that this wasn't my last stop, It wasn't a mistake it was the wrong partner, and that love is beauty. I understood that being in Love shouldn't feel terrible or hurtful. It helped me see that life is full of circumstances, and situations, but God is bigger than anything we will ever go through and any situation we feel tied to, and I needed to trust in him that he will see me through, that he will not leave me in a place of hurt, pain, and abuse. We are his children, and all he asks us to do is believe in him.
When I handed everything over to the Lord, I found peace. I knew it was a matter of days before things would change, I was patient and trusted him. I gave him my worry of uncertainty, the Lord sent me the right people to help me. He gave me the courage to stand tall and not give up. The best thing of all he believed in me, and that I would follow his directions. He didn't let me fall. He answered every one of my prayers.
People asked me, why I didn't I retaliate and go after my abuser. I told them I have peace with my decision to leave it alone. I prayed for him to leave my life. I prayed to have my life back, I prayed that my pain and hurt would heal. I didn't have any use to run after someone or anyone who caused me harm. From that day he left, I never looked back, I was never curious, not a thought in my mind.
When pain is this deep, you don't question your position.
I began to write down my prayers and noticed that I can reach out and help women overcome these obstacles. I turned my prayers into meditations. I'm helping women all across the country stand up and take notice of their life. They have overcome struggles and pain, from being at war with their heart. A place I know very well.
I created personalized meditations from their own experience and helped women lift the weight in their heart, and begin to find themselves surrounded by joy and love.
I'm very thankful and grateful every day for the good times and for the bad times, they have brought me to where I'm today. Being able to share this with you, and changing lives, is a blessing. You too can have the life you are meant to live