ARE YOU CONVINCING ME OR YOURSELF?
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We all know when something isn't right. There isn't anyone reading this that can tell me any different. We make a choice to either deal with it or make a change. I knew when things weren't good in my relationship. I knew he was falling apart. He was very abusive, there was no color coating that. I made a choice to try. Whether if that's wrong or right, that's what I chose to do.
Well, "Choice" is a wonderful word, isn't it? This word is used in every area of our lives. Let me explain. We make a choice to get up in the morning, right? We make a choice to either live happy, or sad. We make a choice to be clean or dirty. Ect...
I knew I was in charge of how I felt, but I still made a choice to be unhappy. What I was really doing was holding on to the falsehood that one day my destructive relationship would be a happy one. Hoping that I would live happily ever after like many couples I knew.
What started to happen, I began to resent my feelings. My heart told me many times this isn't right. I didn't want to listen to that. I began to battle with myself, what a conflict that was. I tried to figure out this big master plan, that if I changed this or that, and made things more exciting than my life would magically change, and we would fall in love all over again.
What I want you to focus on here is, I wanted to change my feelings and make things wonderful and happy, but not once did I tell you he wanted things to change, or that he mentioned to me he has something exciting planned for us. It takes two ladies.
I was fighting a never-ending battle, that I wasn't going to win. Things became worse, he began to disrespect me as much as he could. The belittling, cursing, fighting, and you can figure out the rest.
I knew what happiness is really like. I have that with my friends and family, those contagious belly laughs that are uncontrollable. The memories, when you sit at your desk at work and a thought comes to your mind and your smiling from ear to ear of complete joy.
I wasn't living like this at all. I wasn't looking forward to spending time with him. I began to dislike him as a person and human being. I couldn't stand looking at him, let alone hearing his voice. It would go right through me like a sword piercing through my heart.
As life for me began a new chapter, I took a very good look at what transpired. I started to really focus on myself. I understood why life treated me this way. I didn't blame him. I learned that I have a responsibility to myself. As you read above. We can not change others to love and feel the same way we feel. Most people are dealing with their own stuff, and don't know how to handle it. You never want to be a target of someone else's inner demons.
Please when you first begin to notice it's wrong, it is wrong. Don't second guess it, and don't try to fix it. Please do not stay in it.
This is how "Pain Behind Broken Vases" came about. This is a novel based on a true story. A young woman who hoped and dreamt that one day she would be able to fall in love.
When that day arrived she felt a glimmer of hope. A man who would care for her and treat her special.
She mistook that for amazing love and unfortunately it turned into pain and torment. The fear of letting go consumed her because she loved him and wanted the relationship to work. All she felt and tried to hold onto was the day they first met.
Each chapter will keep you in suspense. Pain Behind Broken Vases will have you sitting on the edge of your seat from the first paragraph. You will feel firsthand what it is like to only have fear to hold onto.
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