Tuesday, April 16, 2019
It's hard to even think of healing when your heart is in so much pain.
The last thing on our mind is to heal when all we want to do is hold on to the one we love with everything we have. We want so much for things to go back to normal, we wish this was just a bad dream and we would soon wake up and things would be wonderful and joyous.
Unfortunately, breaking up with a Narcissist is never easy. The sudden unexpected loss is intense. The pain and hurt that we are left with burns like hell. It feels like our entire world is caving in on us. We tend to avoid healing our broken heart and continue to yearn for our relationship with the hope that something will change. Doing this causes us conflict and complications with our heart that leaves us in disarray.
We become distant and separated from our world, friends, family, and work. We tend to direct every thought and feeling about what will happen next. We walk around numb drained in our sorrows.
The biggest question I'm asked is, how do we heal from a broken heart?
I'm going to share with you the 3 Steps I used in my own life to find peace during the healing process.
1. Don't keep everything bottled up inside.
This was the number one mistake I made. I shut out everyone who loved me. My family, friends, and co-workers. I bottled up my emotions which festered in my heart like a disease. It made it hard to cure.
In my heart, I blamed everything that happened in my relationship on me. What if I did this or that differently? My self-worth went downhill and I felt alone. The most important thing that I discovered was I was tormenting myself. No-one was causing me this extra pain but for me. I was beating myself up over something I never did.
I wanted so much to laugh, and smile and be part of joy and happiness. I knew I needed to shake things up in my life or it was going to get worse for me. I needed to come to grips with if what he did to me was worse than what I was doing to myself. I didn't want to become a bitter angry woman, who had self-pity to look forward to every day.
I began to express myself. Small steps. I started embracing the ones that loved me. Things were changing in my life rapidly. I began to feel different, Empowered, and Inspired. In other words, I started to feel alive again. I knew in my heart this first step was changing my life. I was at the beginning stage of a new life.
2. I started to date myself.
This step was all apart of rediscovering myself. I allowed so much time to go by that I forgot how wonderful it was to be a woman. Wearing make-up and dancing around in front of a mirror wearing fun fashion. I only wore my work clothes, I couldn't even remember the last time I went out with the girls and felt that belly laugh over a glass of wine or a cup of cappuccino.
I refused to let my relationship define the rest of my life. This may sound funny, but I took myself out. I went shopping and embraced every moment. From finding a parking spot to trying on the latest fashion. I actually wore a new outfit I bought and put my sweats in the bag and walked out of the store feeling like a new woman. My head held high, and my new pair of heels was empowering with every click that hit the floor. It beat those depressing old sneakers.
I wore lipstick for the first time in months. I had my hair done and the stylist was great. I told her to do whatever she wanted which was daring on my part. I felt fantastic. I have to say the hairdo was cool. The best part was I wore a smile. Just by doing that I felt the world at my feet and there wasn't anything that was going to stop me from living the life I was created to live.
Please set a time to date yourself. This is the best thing I have ever done.
3. Don't forget why you broke up.
I know this step sounds crazy. This step is a crucial part of moving forward in your lives. There is a reason during the healing process that we discovered being with this person was unhealthy and cruel to continue any kind of relationship with. We must accept the reality of why the relationship ended.
Being pained and hurt every day for any reason by any man or anyone is not the loving relationship we were hoping for. We are an incredible woman and deserve to be in a loving partnership with a person who adores us and does everything in his power to protects us.
Yes, we must not forget what took place in our darkest hour so we will never let this pain ever happen to us again. I know the torment was a lot for me, how about you?
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Men Are All Alike!
How many of you uttered these words?? "I hate men!"
I have to tell you that I have. When we get hurt and pained in a way we don't even understand. We use this defense mechanism to protect our hearts from dealing with any more torment. Being abused changes our feelings and thoughts on so many levels. I had to deal with so many different emotions that I found my heart stuck at hate.
What I was doing was distancing myself from the men I loved and cherished in my life. My son and father and close relatives and friends. I put them all in the same pot as my abuser. I saw them as living breathing hurtful beings that are walking the earth.
I didn't realize I was dismantling my life. I found myself lashing out and being very short with the men I loved most in my life. I knew it wasn't right what I was doing, but I was trying to deal with what was happening to me. Doing this had me challenge the love I know existed in my heart.
Our sons are a product of how we love them and treat them. In order to stop the abuse from trickling down, abuse must stop in our house. Not all men are the same. Not all men are created to conflict pain and torment onto others. We can stop the vicious cycle of Domestic Violence by talking to our sons, about how to treat a woman in their relationship. Believe me, they see and hear everything that is happening no question about that.
Explain in as much detail as possible that hurting the one you love, is not what love is at all. You must share what is happening in your life so they can understand what is unacceptable. Most importantly, you can't allow abuse to continue, this sends the wrong message to our son's and daughters. You wouldn't want your son to abuse his wife or girlfriend, and you wouldn't want your daughter to accept any form of abuse. Loving yourself more and standing up for how you expect to be treated sends a powerful message to your children.
Violence in our homes changes how our children think and feel about themselves and how they will treat others moving forward in their lives. What we allow to happen in our lives soaks in their thoughts. They witness more than we can ever imagine. Because we are living the pain, we are so absorbed in our hurt, we cry were scared there isn't much left in us to save everything we love. All we can do is do our best.
I have to tell you that our best is not good enough. This sounds harsh, doesn't it? We are not in this alone. Our family, children come along for the ride, good or bad. They didn't sign up for this. We must take control of our lives and realize that everything we do affects everyone around us. We have little ears and eyes looking at us for some answers and love. Protecting our little men, and daughters are the priority.
Salvage your family and your life. Time is of the essence. Once you make a change, your entire life will change before your eyes. Yes, hard times will come with taking a stand, I will never say it will be easy, but a must, and once you take this step you and your family will feel freedom from the abusive fist that has been holding you from life. The man that held your smile in his hands, and took your laugh as something you should be frightened of.
The word "RELIEF" comes to mind as the burden of pain is lifted.
Visit me at www.valueurself.com and leave me a message, and the best time to reach you.
You're not in this alone. I'm here with you.
I have created a special addition to my meditation practices. It is back from popular demand. It is "Personalized Meditations."
These Meditations will lead you out of the darkness, keep you calm, and be more focused. You will leave fear behind, become stronger, and never feel alone, help heal your broken heart and ease your pain. As well as those who have suffered the injustice of another.
Our meditations have changed the way people view healing and solving problems. We are excited to share this with you:
For more information about this, click the link below.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Leave me a message, and the best time to reach you.