People talk about jealousy and narcissism being the same thing. A narcissist has jealousy traits. The difference is, once jealousy crosses the line, and the person becomes abusive and controlling he/she falls in the category of a narcissist. A healthy form of jealousy is when a partner would say something to this effect. “I saw that person looking at you” in a fun playful manner. Both of you would laugh, and then brush it off, as if it was no big deal. This in return would make you feel special and appreciated that your boyfriend took notice, but the twist here is he won't let you forget it. He will bring it up at the most unexpected times. What your wearing or how you have your hair. Tell you that you are an attention seeker.
Unhealthy forms of jealousy can spin out of control by the person, needing you to spend every moment with only them. If they don't get their way, it can throw you off course, with cursing and foul comments. If the relationship becomes emotionally abusive, and the person becomes more aggressive and physical, now you are swimming into the narcissistic territory. This is true no matter how we try to spin these relationships. Both are unhealthy relationships. The common denominator is they both like to have control, and I highly suggest you stay away from them.
During courtship, neither of these situations seem bad. Fun loving, and joyous. Once the person finds your weakness and feels you have fallen for them, they will show you another side of themselves that you didn't know was there.
We all wish for a loving relationship, but we have a responsibility to ourselves to be well aware of what is happening in your life. In other words, you have to be careful with a sudden change in your relationship. Once you notice this change, boundaries need to be set immediately, so the other person has no control over your life. Please do not make excuses for their bad behavior.
In the meantime, a narcissist does not like being alone. They will do what they can to escape being by themselves. They will seem to understand your position, but still, continue to try to control you. They will do anything and everything for you to put your guard down. Please be aware of this, especially if it happens on a regular basis. When you decide to give in to their ego, it will happen in an instant. You will not have any control over what is going on. You will notice the change in you. They will have you where they want you. Their behavior and language will start to change. You will begin to do everything they ask. You will start second-guessing your feelings, and even your strengths. Their comments will make you feel horrible about your appearance. You will notice yourself being careful about what you say, so it doesn't cause an argument. Nothing that you do will be right. They will find something wrong with it. It’s hard for a narcissist to give anyone else praise, but themselves. Their lack of self-confidence requires they need you on the same level.
If you are still in this relationship, which I hope you are not, have you noticed that you are being separated from your family and friends? The narcissist will do everything they can to keep you busy, right where he can see you. He needs to have you in sight.
Isolation is a big part of who they are, and one of their pervasive strategies.
The narcissist feels threatened if you are improving yourself. Especially if you are happy with what you are doing. They will see you as competition, they do not want you to live out your dreams, and passions. To a narcissist, you would have the upper hand and be a show-off. This is unacceptable in their dysfunctional sort of way.
Jealousy is another threat. All of us use social media, in one form or another. Be aware when he consistently is looking and tracking your activity and your whereabouts. I said this previously, “they do not like being alone.” If they see you are connecting with others from the opposite sex, it’s a threat, and this will cause a fight, and make you feel bad about what you are doing. They will manipulate you into thinking you are hurting their feelings, even if you are talking to a close friend. This will show you how controlling they really are. This goes beyond being jealous. You are not alone, and please reach out for help if you are in this circumstance.
Now that you are separated from your family and friends, the narcissist has you where he wants you. This is where the abuse sets in. They are comfortable enough, to be physically abusive on occasion, and he knows you won't do anything to get him in trouble. He knows you have no one to turn to. Everyone in your life thinks you are happy because you didn't give them any reason to think otherwise. You couldn't reach out to anyone without the narcissist knowing. You can't express your feelings. If you are hurt in any way, please get help.
I would like to tell you about myself. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. I endured everything I have written about here and more. I'm letting you know that it wasn't easy to get my life back. I would like you to please look deep within yourself, and not stay in your particular situation, and please reach out to whomever you have to for help. With a narcissist, it usually ends up with a violent break-up. He always has another person on the side after their dramatic exit. He won’t be in your life for long. You can stop the pain and the torment. I thought I couldn't turn to anyone, because I was told that there would be no one to help me.
From my experience, I gained strength with the help of others. It’s very important to ask for assistance, and guidance so you can gain the strength, and the ability to once again believe in yourself, and that you will be all right.
If you found a bit of you in this story, please do not wait another minute. You must reach out. You must let your family and friends know what is happening in your life. A direction is difficult alone. There is too much confusion. You can do this. Do it now.
The cost of staying in a relationship without value becomes a lonely place. Remember how important your smile is to you, your laugh, and joy.
You are a valuable woman, that deserves to be treated with a kind voice, and loved with the utmost respect. Love is amazing, but the right kind of love is very important. Don't waste another minute.
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