3 REASONS WHY YOU MUST STAY BUSY AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
Are there things you stopped doing while you were in a narcissistic relationship. Did you stop everything you enjoyed and loved because you knew in the back of your mind who you were dealing with and any wrong move would trigger a fight, argument or may even cause you physical or mental abuse? I know I did?
I have to tell you this isn't going to be easy, but it is something that needs to be done. It's difficult because we spent all our time and energy making him happy, and doing everything he said, we were virtually at his beck and call we forgot about ourselves. Understanding our position from this situation and to be able to transition into the you that once was will take time. We must allow ourselves to grieve and be angry. We are no longer invisible or hiding behind the shadow of pain.
You are probably thinking to yourself. Now What?
1). The first thing you need to do is to reach out to everyone you can that you weren't allowed to have any communications with while you were with the Narcissist. You must apologize and explain what has happened in your life. Make sure you add that you are in a better phase in your life. You can go into as many details as you would like. I know from my experience talking about what happened helped me get through the trauma much easier with support.
Even if your friends and family don't understand exactly why you had to stop talking to them. Most individuals will not understand this type of abuse if they have never been there themselves. Don't let this stop you from reaching out. This is a good start to getting your life in order.
It's all about getting busy with your life. Learning to communicate all over again, and bringing back who you really are is a vital piece of what brings you peace. Laughing again, smiling again, sharing your thoughts and feelings that have been suppressed for months even years. All of us want to feel whole again. Rekindling relationships I feel is most important. You must collect your life. No matter what the outcome or what people think. Picking up where we left off is what we need to do.
2). Get involved in group talks. Online or in person. Interacting, is all about healing. We should never stop learning. Read what others have gone through. Understand that you are not in this alone. This is essential for moving towards a life you are created to live. Learn that one man doesn't control the outcome of your life. This is the step that saved me a lifetime of grief. I became busy with my life. I wanted my identity back. I understood he wasn't my last stop, and being in love with him wasn't wrong, it was just the wrong person.
I learned to be open to love. Take my time and heal through the process and not to date right away, there were more important things that needed to be dealt with first. I took three years before the thought of dating came to my mind. I was very active in my life that when the time came, not only did I meet a man, but I met the love of my life, a person of honor and kindness and happiness. Being busy and active in your life is a must. There is nothing more exciting than a woman who is smiling and joyous about her world. We tend to attract what we are feeling.
3). Get busy with your health. You can do this slowly or jump right into a gym. We have been so bottled down with emotions, that our mind and body suffered. I know for me I didn't eat right. I didn't take care of myself when I was in an abusive relationship. I gained weight, and I became uncomfortable in my own skin.
I found the best medicine for me to cope with everything that was happening in my life was to exercise. I needed to clear my head of unwanted thoughts and emotions. It helped me gain the courage and power I lost for a long time. Being surrounded by people who have great energy and positive helps your mind feel that there isn't anything you can not do, I felt unstoppable. The only words that came to my inner voice were, "I Got This".
We have the option to live an amazing life and have a wonderful loving relationship. The options that we must not allow are; Mistreatment, verbal, mental or physical abuse of any kind. Yes, one slap is physical abuse. This leads to more down the road.
If you are making excuses for what you just read. Please Stop that right now. There are no excuses. There is nothing right about pain, hurt or any sort of torment.
I'm a woman who's been through all of the things you are going through. A woman whose life was tossed and turned upside down. A woman's advice you can trust. A woman who found her way through darkest of times. A woman who woke up every morning praising God, and never stopped believing that I was meant to live a better life other than pain and misery. I praised him when I was cursed at, I praised him when I felt a hint of a smile and praised him when I was abused. He saw me through. I'm a woman just like you. I never gave up on me.
Love is amazing. We all know how that feels, but the right type of love is very important. Don't waste another minute. There's nothing more exciting than a woman who is happy and has her voice, remember that.
You can reach out to me, and I can help guide you through the process. I will answer any questions or concerns you may have.
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I look forward to speaking with you.
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