Thursday, February 28, 2019



If you haven't had a chance to read the FIRST PART of the 
7 STEPS for leaving an Unhealthy Relationship.

Click this link:

Take a minute and do so. 



Step #5: Establish Your “Enough is Enough” Level

“There’s only so far that you can go before you say that enough is enough.”
~Jennifer Granholm~

Having tolerance is necessary for life, for certain, because we need it just as much as we grant it. However, there can be a fine line between tolerance and getting trampled on. That’s what we must work on because someone who gives too much tolerance in a harsh relationship is susceptible to:

Mental abuse
Physical abuse
Verbal abuse

All abuse is detrimental to us and never helps us to grow—despite what an abuser may claim. We need to determine when we’ve had enough and stand strong!

Sometimes, it can be helpful to step outside of your situation for a moment and to look into the situation of another. If your child or a good friend was going through what you are, would you wish something different for them? You likely would. How would you go about helping them to recognize that “enough is enough”? Whatever you’d do for them is likely what would work for you.

Your Challenge: to find a way to recognize when your tolerance has been pushed to its limit and you need to take control. When we work together on this step, my clients find that it is an amazing and liberating feeling to be aware of this. It increases their confidence and faith in their outcome.

Step #6: Believe In Your Gut Instincts

“Make sure that you always follow your heart and your gut, and let yourself be who you want to be, and who you know you are. And don't let anyone steal your joy.”
~Jonathan Groff~

We need to heed the warning signs and have complete awareness of what is happening in our lives. No one else can do this besides us, because our instincts and Intuition reveal themselves to us alone—internally—and to others through our choices and the actions we take.

Through being present and watching and listening, we can see what is coming in our future. This means that we have the gift and blessing of being able to not push aside what is happening. We can take action and by doing so, we know that tomorrow will be a better day for us. What may seem good now is not always good tomorrow. 

For example: taking the abusive talk one day usually means that another day will come where you are forced to decide if you will take it again. And again. And again. What is happening in front of you right now will keep happening if you don’t allow your gut instinct to guide you out of it. These feelings are often hidden, and sadly forgotten for a long time, but they are there with the soul and sole purpose of guiding you in wisdom and a more favorable outcome.

Your Challenge: face what is wrong in your life, recalling those past “I knew I should have…” or “why didn’t I listen” sentiments and draw strength from them. You can follow the lead of your intuition and tune in to the problem and its consequences. This is a fundamental, strategic step that I take with my clients to help them restore their trust in their ability to make positive decisions for themselves and help to eliminate regrets.

Step #7: Respect Yourself

“Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.”
~Dan Coppersmith~

No one likes to be disrespected! Once we feel disrespected and do not speak up, it is likely going to continue, growing more severe as time goes on. When that happens, you feel belittled and you’ll curse yourself for not standing up to yourself, further belittling you. Then things get really tricky because…you are now disrespecting yourself, as well.

Volatile personal situations lead to a significant decline in one’s self-respect and as a result, we remain in the situation longer than we can. Respect is easy to lose, hard to gain back, and also necessary in life. This stage takes work, which is why it’s the source of so much of the work that I do with clients. In many cases, I’m the first person whom they feel has treated them with respect in a great while. 

Can you imagine? For me, when I finally recognized that I respected myself and I had value, it was the cement to the changes that I had to make to redefine my life so I was better for me, not to mention better for my children.

Your challenge: remove yourself from your toxic environments as quickly as possible. The longer you stay, the harder the struggle. You may not have hit rock bottom, but consider the moment you know—this moment—your rock bottom. Reaching out with people in need when they need it most is part of how the transformation begins. It’s the reason that the forums for help and growth that I facilitate can take place anytime.

You may connect me at:, ValueUrSelf—Facebook, Twitter,

My Mission Statement

Helping people come full circle by shedding the victim mentality and transitioning to a healthy place

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Attracting the Wrong Man--Narcissist

First Part of the 7 Steps for leaving an Unhealthy Relationships

To the outside world, I was "typical" A young woman, divorced, a mother of two small children-nothing out of the ordinary. Getting married so young had led to getting divorced young. My husband and I both wanted to live different lives. It was an inevitable ending to something that had happened far too early in my life.

As I moved on with my life I struggled financially, but I was determined to make it. I knew what I wanted. I stayed focused, saved and purchased a home--only to realize that it took a lot of money to maintain that home. I had to get a second job to better support myself and provide for the kids. There were no other options and I wanted everything to work out. Yet, nothing was great. Working wasn't my biggest problem. I definitely wasn't scared of hard work.

It was when I started to date again that I found a big problem--I was more successful at attracting the wrong kind of men than I'd realized. Time moved on and I met a man. He was wonderful and treated me the way every girl dreams of being treated. I mistook that for amazing love and unfortunately it turned into pain and torment. My fear of letting go consumed me because I loved him and wanted it to work, all I felt and tried to hold onto was the day we met. I also had to get a second joy again, and it was just as unfulfilling as the relationship. Long hours.

Keeping up appearances, but mostly--I was not happy! I was trying to keep up appearances. There was no balance or harmony in my life--anywhere. Furthermore, knowing that I was responsible was agonizing. My life deteriorated and I struggled to stay under control. The more I fought, the more my life unraveled. I didn't like the person I turned into, becoming more distant from my life and never finding peace. I was just existing.

Here is what I discovered:

• I did have the inner strength
• I could face fear with courage
• I was responsible for me—not others
• I had to stop the habit of excuse making
• I needed to develop self-awareness
• I control who I am, not others
• I set my boundaries and acceptable standards
• I can walk away from pain when it doesn’t serve me

It was time to get radical….

And what I found changed my life, and now it is helping to change others’ lives, too. This is what I want for you, it’s what I want for all people. Transitioning may sound scary, but it is a blessed and wonderful thing. Within the 7 Steps of Progression for Leaving an Unhealthy Relationship, you can begin to understand that the change you need is possible. And change is not an option, because you can’t keep on going the way you are. I’m sure you’ve thought that. I know I have. I’m fortunate enough to have acted upon it, though.

Are you ready to act?
Yes is the ideal answer, but the transition is a process, one you take one day at a time.
Is today your day? Need some inspiration? Let’s do this! I want to help you find
your strength.
Amilia Powers

Step #1: Identifying What You Fear

“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”
~Mandy Hale~

Without identifying what we fear, we cannot begin to work on building self-confidence and courage to overcome those fears. Addressing and acknowledging the fear and working to eliminate offers us great returns. Imagine....

Allowing happiness to satisfy us more than the desire to appease others
Building a life, not simply surviving a moment or a day
Embracing our circumstances so we are not held back by them
Finding the right resolutions more quickly
Eliminating the fear of mental torture and unkindness
Creating boundaries that do not allow cruel individuals into our personal space
Beginning to unconditionally love ourselves—and forgive ourselves. 

When we achieve these things, we are transitioning fear from being crippling to being an enabler for a better us. The tables turn and the results change.

Have the ability to walk toward your fears and embrace them with strength. Fear is a habit that we learn over time and it's our attempt to protect us in some way, but it seldom works. It holds us back and stops us from growing and experiencing life.

Your Challenge: think of one thing you fear and write down the benefit of how eliminating that fear would make your life better. This challenge is a starting point for my clients and my growth and transition sessions.

Step #2: Take Control

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”
~Jean Shinoda Bolen~

Even if you’ve known a person for twenty years, when you are in an unhealthy relationship, you often don’t really know them. Take control and learn what kind of person you are dealing with so you can set some boundaries—immediately! You do not have time to waste in taking actions for the transition that you know you need. Every day matters and you are not meant to be a statistic of a bad outcome.

No one else can control the boundaries you set for yourself. When you stop allowing others to invade your space and corner you within your own world, you will find that with that extra room you can breathe, relax, and fully understand just how confined you’ve been living. You’ve been constricted by the toxicity of a bad situation, but a boundary for what you will tolerate is quite liberating.

When was the last time you went through an entire day without allowing someone else’s words or actions to control your mood and productivity? If you cannot recall, you need to take control and establish your boundaries. I can help!

Your Challenge: imagine a scenario that you were a part of in which you did not enforce your boundaries. Now, replay that scenario with a better outcome for you if you had enforced those boundaries. Could your actions and words have helped you to communicate a better outcome? These are the types of scenarios that I help my clients with, inspiring them for better outcomes through different choices. And taking control is our choice!

Step #3: Define Our Core Values

“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”
~Mahatma Gandhi~

It is only through our self-awareness of what we want to stand for that we can take a stand against those who we allow to manipulate our thoughts, actions, and responses. By defining our core values you will:

Become unstoppable in what you wish to achieve: confidence can only flourish when we know ourselves and what we will accept in our lives. When we are confident, we can achieve the greatest things—whether it is walking away or taking a stand.
Walk in grace: there are times when we feel alone as we transition to a better place, but by remembering our core values we can make that journey in grace, ultimately finding an abundance of support and love for our success.
Show your integrity: our core values help us to show we are willing to take the tough steps for bettering ourselves. We go beyond saying that we want to change but take actions (or lack of actions) that contradict that claim.

Your Challenge: write down your own laws to live by and what is not acceptable to you in your life. These may have to do with how people talk to you, how you manage your obligations, and how you help others. When my clients and I go through this important step, we have a heart to heart talk with how to take actions that will help us grow. It is seldom “all at once”. This type of permanent change requires baby steps.

Step #4: Personal Responsibility

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”
~Jim Rohn~

It may not be convenient to acknowledge, and it may feel pretty bad to accept, but we all have responsibility for what we allow into our lives. By stopping wasting our energy on blaming others and committing to taking personal initiatives to change what has been happening, we can grow by leaps and bounds. 

It all starts with: Forgiving yourself for not having done this previously.

We are human beings, beautiful and flawed, but capable of great things when we forgive ourselves. If you struggle with this just think: what was the outcome when you cast blame to someone else for what has happened to you? Did you find satisfaction in a solution and end up in a better place? Did the yelling and fighting and mentally exhausting situations magically stop? Did you simply forget? So many of the debilitating things we do in our lives are habits. We didn’t always feel or act that way, but we learned how to act that way and for some reason, never chose to stop. 

Today is your day to stop making excuses about why you’ve never taken personal responsibility and start taking action. In my life, I’ve found that taking personal responsibility was what really allowed me to put things into perspective and gain the strength to separate myself from what was not working in my life, strengthening my will and ability to focus on what did work.

Your Challenge: focus on the most important things for you to take personal responsibility for at this time. Think about why it is important to do this and grand yourself any forgiveness for lack of action in the past. During this step, I help my clients come up with ideas that work with their personalities to help them stand firm by their choices, even when that may seem extremely tough to do.

Visit me on Thursday for more steps on how to stand strong through your challenges.
I have so much to share with all of you. I'm blessed to be here with you.
Thank you so much for the amazing emails. I appreciate it so much.

Those of you who are here for the first time welcome, I'm happy your with us.
To learn more about me, visit me at leave me a message with your concerns and I will answer them right here.

Have a blessed day.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Amilia Powers

Thursday, February 21, 2019

3 Steps to Forgiveness from Narcissist Abuse


We have to make a decision to forgive. Forgiveness is a process and it takes time to forgive those that hurt us. It can seem slower for some people more than others, depending on the layers of hurt, pain, and emotions involved.

If we do not forgive, our life becomes much more painful to live because we continually are holding on to resentment and bitterness. When we make forgiveness a choice, it becomes an act of our own will. As we become aware that our life needs to change, and that holding on to hate has caused us to have negative thoughts, we quickly realize we have lost the joy in our life. How often does it seem we begin to become offended by seemingly everything? We anger easily, and simple communication in our day to day life tends to always bring us back to our pain and hurt. We relive what has hurt us, and the person that did this seems to always be in our thoughts.

Forgiveness shouldn't be complicated, should it? Forgiveness needs to be love and kindness applied to your life. I don't believe it is wise to keep your feelings inside. We must release our emotional burden. we can talk with a close friend or a family member you trust. You don't need to reach out to many people, just the right person. When you begin to release your pain through conversation with a friend, you also begin detaching your emotions and thoughts from the person that hurt you. You now are taking back control that they once possessed. We need to remain committed to our forgiveness in order to live a more fulfilled life.

"Give Yourself Permission to Forgive"

The purpose of my blog is for you to live a better life and forgive yourself. How often do we blame ourselves for the hurt and pain we have experienced from the words and actions of someone we trusted? Forgiveness is the most powerful way to empower our personal growth. When we "let go" of the burden of self-blame we will begin to live with a greater sense of peace and the freedom, allowing us to become the version of ourselves. when we start living from this sense of freedom we can transfer this positive energy to the people in our life.

Forgiveness allows us to love again. Once we forgive our heart will be filled with love as it is meant to be. You become stronger because you love yourself and can love others, no matter of their shortcomings or transgressions. You forgive because you love, and love because you forgive.

"Forgiveness doesn't change the past, it changes your today"

I have created three steps from my experience of forgiveness to healing in my life. For me, my faith was my strong tower. My first step is my faith. It helped me feel strong and courageous. The Lord helped me realize my outcome was better than my current circumstances. Believing helped me overcome what seemed and looked impossible.

My prayers are my meditations. I was able to take action on my faith by creating my own daily meditations I felt stronger and closer to God. I never felt alone or abandoned. It was through my daily mediations I learned to forgive myself and this became my step two.

I needed to give myself permission to forgive others and stop holding on to blaming myself. I believed that through blaming myself for the hurt and pain someone else caused me that somehow gave me power. I was wrong. I just got angrier and more unhappy. I realized that I needed to give my self-permission to stop holding on to the pain as some type of war medal. My life was being consumed by my anger, guilt, and resentment. I decided that I need to have permission to forgive the person who hurt me. True power is in forgiveness, not anger. I developed step three to give myself permission to release my burden and truly live a happier healthier life. This is my hope and prayer for you, to forgive and set yourself free.



We all have faith in unique and different ways. As the scripture on faith reads, faith draws us a picture of what our life can be, although not seen in our current circumstances, we draw our energy from the hope we know God has created for our future. When I experienced difficulty in my trials and tribulations I turned to my faith for immediate relief. When we turn to faith our common thread is we want God to take our suffering and pain immediately. However, even though God seems to delay our help I must say from my experience His timing was always perfect. Having unfinished business in our heart will always stop us in overcoming our difficulty. Keeping the faith will always see us through.

Because I have lived a life of faith I was able to go through this horrible time with the conviction that God would see me through this, that he had my back, and I needed to trust him. For me forging my faith into action was my first step. My daily prayers became vivid and lived through the meditations I created to give myself positive affirmations.



As I began the healing process through my pain and torment I also learned how to forgive. When I added forgiveness into my daily life I began writing through my pain and hopes. My second step was to create meditations from my prayers that helped me focus on the positive things God has planned for me. Silence only worked against me, not for me. I was at war within my own heart and constantly dealing with my wounds that no one could reach. Staying silent was not the way I wanted to live my life.

Are you compromising, your love and happiness? I did, and I forgot who God created me to be. Never forget who you are in any circumstance and especially never let someone else control the love you have in your heart. When I turned my prayers to the Lord into daily affirmations through meditations it helped lead me out of my darkness, kept me calm, and more focused on my work. You can leave fear behind with daily, focused meditations and prayer. You will become stronger and never feel alone.



Do you really need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself? Does this sound a bit odd? It is crucial for your healing. You must allow yourself to start over and put your torment behind you rather than keeping it in front of you. Give yourself permission to love who you are as well as others in your life, and the people who will cross your path in the future.

Don't spend your life with your guard up constantly feeling hurt from your past experience. Open your heart and your eyes and give yourself permission to love. Leave the light on in your heart so others can find you. Healing and forgiveness can take time. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes healing a broken heart needs time to take a minute and just breathe. Stay focused on the process and time will take care of itself. Making peace with what has happened is necessary whether you're trying to get through a mistake or an area that had a major impact on your life. Give yourself permission to recognize and accept the feelings that have been triggered in you and make peace with them.

When you've given yourself permission to forgive and to heal you will begin to feel more confident and your self worth will grow. Be cautious to not replay what's happened over and over in your mind. By living in faith, creating positive daily meditations from prayers, and living with permission to forgive and love completely you are well on your way to live the life you deserve.


"Let each of you look not only to his own interest but also to the interests of others"

My hope is that this blog has given you three ways to begin the process of healing. This is from my own experience and from my heart. Healing and forgiveness as I have said is an ongoing process.

To experience personalized meditations and don't know how to create your own. I recommend you download from my series of 4 meditations, that are on my website. Chose one that corresponds to your life right now. This will help you through your present situation and help you understand how I could help you by creating your own personalized meditations

Learn more by clicking the Link

I look forward to hearing from you.
Be Blessed

Sunday, February 10, 2019

The Affects of Silence--Narcissistic Abuse

Here are 4 leading causes of Silence while in an abusive situation:

1.) You feel as if you don't matter, you're just existing.

2.) You feel unworthy of being heard, you don't want to fight, you desperately want peace.

3.) You stop believing in yourself, your hopes and dreams have withered from your thoughts.

4.) You begin to question your faith, you stop caring as if:

- Your smile has been removed and seemingly vanished

- You are living day to day expressionless

- You have NO voice, you can't find the words anymore

- You feel meaningless, you have lost sight of your purpose

This is an unfortunate place to be in because there is no other alternative but to adapt to your environment, only by tiptoeing around in SILENCE to keep the peace. While this is happening, you begin to swallow your happiness, your joy, and any excitement you had in life, is now gone. This leaves you feeling vulnerable, and emotionally isolated from your family, and friends. You feel as if you've lost living a joyous life.

The effects of SILENCE has you living this way. What happened to living your life? Everyone in your house begins to tiptoe around your fear as it trickles down to each child and even your guests. Anxiety becomes a daily feeling, you never know what is going to happen next. Even sleeping is now so hard. Work is becoming a task to get through. The thought of going home after work ends, or coming home from school at the last bell is unnerving. The cycle continues. You know in the back of your mind, that those hours away was your only peace, but work and school are only eight hours long, you find yourself wishing there were more hours on the clock. 


I would like to share a personal story from my own experience. Being silent did not help me in my abusive situation. I was involved with a narcissist. More emotionally, and verbal, then it was physical. While I was going through this, I made excuses for the reasons he was abusing me. I remained quiet, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Days become weeks, months and then the obvious two and half long years before it came to a bitter end. During this time, while I allowed this type of treatment, and still mind you, stayed SILENT.

Everyone in my house began to treat me the same way, minus the physical abuse. They were unkind and disrespectful. You're probably wondering why? How can this be? They are watching me get abused, both verbally, and emotionally. The answer to this, they were mad. They were lashing out. Upset! This was the only way they could release the pain they were dealing with. They had to tiptoe around the house, watching every word they were saying. Hoping that it wouldn't trigger a fight. 

There comes a time when reality sets in, when a choice to leave the relationship is the only choice to salvage your family and get help to regain strength and promise for a healthier life. I understand completely, the part I had in all of this. The very first thing that I did wrong was what? I never set 
boundaries. I never stopped him, from the first he disrespected me. Then it began. As time went on he became comfortable being emotionally abusive, he moved it too much higher levels as the days progressed. I couldn't stop it because I never stood up for myself from the beginning. At each and every new point I was frightened. I felt very alone. I didn't speak to any friends for a long time, and I didn't reach out to my family. I did what was asked of me. It was part of his control. I began to get angry about the damage that was being done to all of us. I finally admitted to myself that I'm living in a destructive way. I broke out of my denial. My denial was like a spell I was under. I couldn't wait to get my smile back, to embrace my children, to live again. I forgot who I was before getting involved with a person like this. I was courageous, happy, fun. I smiled a lot and enjoyed all aspects of my life. I missed my friends, I missed my family, I missed me. 

I sought professional help, I was grateful I found a counselor specializing in the area that I was having such problems with. I worked hard to get my life back. Going through the healing process wasn't easy. I found myself breaking down, it drained me of my energy, but I know I needed to do this for me, and my family. The most difficult time I had was learning to forgive. I would ask my counselor, how could I forgive a monster, an evil being who went out of his way to destroy me, and my family? My counselor replied, you can and you will. Because forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what happened to you, it only means that you will never let this happen to you again.

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. I believe in support, do not let what happened to me, happen to you. Please do not allow disrespect, unkindness, and someone else to control your life. It affects the entire family. No one walking on this earth has any right to place harm on any living being. Reach out, and get the help you need to live a joyous life. 



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Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Don’t Let A Narcissist Control You—Abuse

Stand Strong, No More Abuse


I would like to tell you a bit about myself. I was in a bad situation with a very abusive man. I couldn't tiptoe light enough, it was if I was walking on pins and needles, even my silence was deafening to his ears. He suffocated my voice, my inner peace was in turmoil. He could hear my cry for help, which I believed helped him to identify my weakness. This abuse was not in my head. I knew what kind of relationship I was in. How do I know this you might be asking? Because I was never treated this way in my entire life. I knew this is not what love represents. All I was to this person was an object, a living thing to physically, mentally control, and abuse. The unsettled feeling of not knowing what to do, or what was going to happen next had me frightened in every way possible. I never saw this coming.

The change in the relationship was instantaneous as soon as we moved in together, all of the horrors of a life I never knew excited, I was living. All I kept thinking was, what the hell I did to my life? I knew I had to change this. There aren't enough hours in a day, month, or year that I could put into this type of madness to change him. I would just be giving him another excuse to abuse me even more for mentioning the changes that need to take place. I continued to remember that this isn't the love I dreamed of, I deserve to be treated better than this. My abuser needed to change himself, his issues are not mine, or yours to worry about if this is happening to you. But most importantly I needed to focus on me. I wanted desperately to become a stronger, and healthier person.

I knew gaining the understanding of these crucial points would help guide me to step away from this unkindness and create standards in my life that I will live by going forward. In fact, I want to embrace a love I deserve.

A loving relationship full of kindness, and respect for one another. I was raised with these principles.

"A person who loves you will never find it in their heart to abuse you."

I am with you, and I know in my heart what you are feeling. I know why you are reading this message. We need to remove ourselves from this abusive situation, there is NO time to waste. The longer we wait, the more abusive, and unbearable the situation becomes.

These are Five (5) things that helped me overcome:

1. We need to stop accepting this abuse, and making excuses for it.

2. We need to understand this is not our fault, and we can't change them.

3. We come first, and family (children) we are not alone in this abuse cycle.

4. We must reach out for help. Ask for assistance, ask for guidance.

5. We need to make a stand and change our life. You are the keyword.

Nothing changes unless we change our circumstances. No one is going to do it for us. I cannot express enough, that you need guidance, you can't do this alone, especially when there is children involved. Making a change is never easy, it can be very scary, but we have to do what is best for ourselves, and our family.

There are two major factors that play a big roll in why we don't let these stop you from the life you really deserve.

1. Financial help, (most times this is the biggest problem)

2. You are still convinced that they will stop abusing you, and they will change. (a common issue)

I do understand we are very emotionally involved in our own situation, and each issue is very delicate when it comes to abuse, I more than understand this point. I know we want to believe that things will get better, and these men will change. We want them to treat us with kindness, and love us the way we always wished they would.

The truth of the matter is, this is the reason we need to speak to someone and reach out for help. We are not in the position to make a rational decision on our lives if we are making any type of excuses on why we should stay in a destructive relationship. Please remember you serve a kind and loving life, filled with all the joy the world can bring. We will never know how life feels if we remain in an abusive lifestyle.

There comes a time, we have to make a choice, and take responsibility for what is happening in our lives, and make it better. We have to have control of our lives. The power is ours. You know what to look for, you are an intelligent person. The warning signs are clear to you. You will not allow any of this pain back into your life again. You will set boundaries at the beginning, you will have standards you will live by. You know what to do at the first sign of disrespect. Your foot will always be planted firmly on the ground with anything that is unacceptable. Please do me a favor and reach out. It will change your life. This step has changed mine.

Don't give up the fight, you're the most valuable currency there is

Join thousands of women who broke from free, and our living the loving life they were created to live

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