When it comes to an unhealthy relationship "NO" is the most important word.
I would like to say that I'm happy your here. You are taking the necessary steps to change your situation. Being in a place of hurt and pain is not the way you should live.
Saving yourself a life full of pain and misery, No is the most important word in your relationship. When you live with a narcissist your life depends on it.
I understand that it is hard to believe that someone you love could or would abuse your generosity and take advantage of you. You can't fathom that being kind, and nice could attract someone this cruel in your life.
We end up walking through life with this emotional pretense that this couldn't be happening to us. We continue sending ourselves warm thoughts that he didn't mean any harm or we miss understood his intentions just so we don't fall apart.
I used to give him a pass on a regular bases. My thoughts were, If he's kind to me at times, then I can work with this and maybe make him see that we have something amazing and special. I developed a very hard time saying no and stopping the abuse. My courage facing him went to the waste side and I became very vulnerable. In reality, he wasn't able to share the love with me or anyone. I refused to give up and was determined to show him how wonderful life would be. It simply never occurred to me that I was heading down a path of destruction and pain.
Please Use the word "NO" every chance you get. This is a game changer for your life going forward. It validates who you are and what you will put up with. Without you putting your foot down, your life will be nothing but chaos. No, is the most powerful word used in any relationship. It sets the stage for your self-worth. Using this word takes you out of fear, and unleashes your power. The narcissist will not challenge you. You are not budging and he will eventually leave. He will get it through his thick skin he has no control over you, and as we all know they need to have control. That's what gives them power and gratification. They must have the spotlight. Don't worry your head, you left no room for arguments. You cleaned up this mess fairly quickly.
I'm a woman who found herself in this position and used this through her darkest times. Waking up praising God, and asking for strength. Never gave up hope and never giving up on me. I will not let you give up on you.
Having love in our lives is incredible. Don't waste another minute. There is nothing more exciting than a woman who is happy and has her voice.
Reach out to me, and will guide you through the process. I will answer any questions or concerns you may have. I have turned my prayers into meditations, that are helping women across the country rise beyond their pain.