Tuesday, April 7, 2020

The Truth You Need to Know---Narcissist Abuse

  The Truth After Abuse

After abuse, for me, I couldn't even think about dating any man. I have to tell you, I was grieving. I tore myself up over what I allowed to happen to me. What I let this man put me and my family through. Anyone who is a survivor of narcissist abuse can tell you how mentally draining it is. How exhausted you feel physically you can't get any rest, because your mind won't let you go to sleep. The thought of going through that one more time didn't even enter your mind. 

Let me give you some advice. I recommend you stay alone, with your family and friends for as long as you need to. If you jump into a relationship to fast, you will probably most likely end up with either the same person or a man just like him. Going full speed ahead after trauma doesn't give you enough time to pick yourself up. You are still uneasy and hurt. You still wear your pain on your sleeve. 

Give yourself time to clean up his dirty work. You need time to throw out the reminisce, the poison of a man who tormented you and put your life in disarray. You first need your life back. Your smile back. Your laughter back. Your family back. They are scattered all over the place far far away from you. From the lies, he planted in their heads. The picture he painted of you being crazy. You have a lot of work cut out for you. Putting back your life is not going to be easy. It needs to be done first.

Now that I have explained the importance of taking care of your self before dating. Give yourself a break and permission to get angry, sad, upset, scream, cry and praise God. Praise him from the bottom of your heart. God's intervention is God's protection. He saved you a whole lot of grief.

These are three things I recommend you do before you move forward and start dating. 

Before We Talk about Dating

1. This isn't a quick fix scheme. Were you ever told by a friend to start dating right away and you will quickly forget everything? How did that work out? The thing is, we still have to go home at the end of our day. Thoughts and feelings of any kind can not be erased overnight or on a date. You will always have them in the back of your mind. That's why time is needed. It's needed to absorb what accord in our lives,  it gives us balance to embrace our next steps in our life. Time also gives us the opportunity to reflect and understand what kind of people we will allow in our lives going forward. Time will never erase the hurt we have endured. But it will affect us less as we grow in strength and courage. I recommend right now if you want to date someone date yourself. Get to know you better. 

2. You can go out. Not dating doesn't mean you isolate yourself from the world. Regain the relationships you had before this awful situation. Reach out to love one's friends and share with them what transpired in your life. Most likely you kept it secret. They love you so don't be afraid of opening your heart to them. You will have to relive the pain through most of the details. But I'm sure once they understand what you went through you will have all the support you need. Yes, this can be overwhelming and some days worst than others. But Communication is the key as you begin to heal. Being honest with the ones you love. Disarm your feelings and let people know you are hurting. Take small steps to detach yourself from his harsh words. Healing from abuse has no time limit attached to it.

3. Slow down. Reconnect with who you once were. Before you got involved with that man. Do you remember that person? That person who laughed so hard her belly hurt. The person that smiled when she entered the room and everyone was excited to see her. Yes, that person. The person who would fix herself up so pretty, and feel great. Please, continue to be this person. Find her. She is living in your heart. Go to the beauty parlor. Get your nails done. Buy a new outfit. You haven't done that in such a long time. Get a nice pair of sandals or sneakers. Take yourself out on a date. Do something for you. Dress up and take a friend out to a great restaurant. Heck, enjoy a fantastic glass of wine. Love yourself more than anything on the planet. The strength you get from connecting to your true self is unstoppable.

I'm very thankful and grateful every day for the good times and for the bad times. It has brought me to where I'm today. Helping women from all across the country heal and change their lives is a blessing. Being able to be here with you, to help you understand the importance of your value.
I created a website that is very easy to navigate and you will find helpful information to begin living a life you are created to live. You can set up a free consultation with me. I created a series of meditations that were created from my own prayers, which walks you out of the dark and become more focused. You can pick one that pertains to your life right now, and you can start immediately on making these changes. 
You can contact me and we can go over any concerns on how to start:
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I also created personalized meditations, that is created from your own personal circumstances, for more information about that. You can visit the link at the bottom of the picture.

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Have a blessed day
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