Days of pain blend into one another
First I want to say I'm happy your here, and you are taking the necessary steps to change your circumstances. Being in a place of pain and torment is not the way love is supposed to feel.
It was him against me day after day. I could never understand his anger, his hateful heart. His words were like venom piercing through my body. I became numb to life. I refused to recognize that someone could be that hateful and poisonous.
The consistent contradictions were the most confusing. Did you ever hear the saying, "words can be deceiving" Trust me they are? We try so hard to see the good from the hate, and this causes more hurt than we have ever anticipated.
I have to say the obvious thing I overlooked, was his actions consistently reinforced exactly who he was and what he was all about. I actually found myself defending him to everyone for his unacceptable behavior. It's crazy but not unusual to defend someone you are with and love. The twist to this is that I communicated through my actions that it was alright to treat me badly.
It's wonderful to have compassion with the one you love, but we must acknowledge what's not okay. We must stop feeling It's our responsibility for them. They are responsible for their actions and life. No one has a right to play on your emotions and take every ounce of joy and happiness from you. Our smile is our world, our laughter represents the joy the good Lord gave us. No one is entitled to that, only to share it with us.
What is sad was he would always play on my excitement and squash it every chance he had. I was living in darkness in my heart, my smile and laugh erased. I became dead to life. I was living as if I was two different people. My work life and my home life. I conditioned myself to shut off power to all happiness before I got home. I couldn't allow pretending to be happy tumble over in my reality that was in my home.
Considering all the baggage I had to carry around, I feel thankful and grateful that I was able to remove myself from an abusive relationship. I prayed for strength and prayed for guidance. I'm the woman who's been through all of the things you are going through. A woman whose life was slammed against the wall. A woman's advice you can trust. A woman who found her way through the darkest of times. I woke up every morning and every night praising God, and never gave up hope. I praised him in good times, and in bad times. He saw me through. I never gave up on me. I will never let you give up on you.
Having love in our lives is amazing. We all know how that feels, but the right type of love is very important. Don't waste another minute. There's nothing more exciting than a woman who is happy and has her voice, please remember that.
You can reach out to me, and I can help guide you through the process. I will answer any questions or concerns you may have. I have created a series of four (4) Meditations, that can help you through your present situations. For more information, click the link below. My prayers I turned into meditations, that helped women rise beyond their pain.
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