Tuesday, January 21, 2020

A Narcissistic Spouse--When do I heal?

HEALING FROM THE PAIN





The words "I love you" unfortunately means nothing to a Narcissist. Yes, this is very disappointing to hear. We put all of our energy in loving them, caring for their feelings, being at their beck-in-call, but a Narcissist doesn't care about LOVE. The most important thing that feeds their soul is attention, bad or good this is what they crave. If they have to use you to get it, then that's what they will do. They will do anything and everything they can to provoke a response from you. In their minds, having power over you comes first. They must see you vulnerable and weak, as long as they see you as less of a person in their eyes they feel the surge of importance. 

Healing from the emotional stress, and the hurt that was caused by this volatile abusive relationship is giving yourself time to gather your thoughts and collect your feelings. First, understand you were abused. You must realize you were dealing with a person who is very sick, dysfunctional, and has issues beyond anything you will ever understand. There was nothing you've done wrong, and nothing you could have done differently. You gave from your heart and did everything you could as a loving caring woman would do. He's a broken person, who is very angry and resentful with his life and would love nothing more but to cause pain and hurt. There isn't anything you can do to put him together no matter how hard you try. They are sadistic people who can't handle anyone being happier or better than them. 

A Narcissist is a master manipulator, they don't know any other way to live. If you ever break-up with them, they will not leave your life without leaving the remanence of their rath behind. I know this from my own experience. I had no breaks from his emptiness. I found that with his constant planning and scheming that he had blindfolded everyone from who he really was. I knew something was going to happen, but I kept my cool. He did everything he could to dismantle my family. The greed he carried for public fans was like a child getting high honors. He didn't leave out any harsh words or abusive dominance from his fame driven focus. 

If you are living with someone and the only thing you look forward to is when he leaves, and the only thing you can feel in your heart is that it's better to be alone than hear their voice. You breathe better knowing that your every move, and every thought isn't criticized. You didn't have to give reasons for what your wearing, what your eating, you can go about your day without second-guessing yourself or looking over your shoulder. Best of all NO smart comments. You can finally have a minute even if your one eye is on the clock. Not knowing what to expect when your moment of silence is over. 

If you found a bit of you in this story, please do not wait another minute. You must reach out. You must let your family and friends know what is happening in your life. The direction is difficult alone. There is too much confusion. You can do this. Do it now. 

The cost of staying in a relationship without value becomes a lonely place. Remember how important your smile is to you, your laugh, and joy.

You are a valuable woman, that deserves to be treated with a kind voice, and loved with the utmost respect. Love is amazing, but the right kind of love is very important. Don't waste another minute.

If this relationship sounds familiar and you need help picking up the pieces. Join thousands of women who have changed their lives with my help. Visit me at www.coffeewithamilia.com. 
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